A Soap Box: You Matter, Both on Facebook and In Life. Be Respectful but Don’t Hide Your Candle

I have two stories to share today and they do actually fit together, so bear with me if you will.

When I got my first cell phone in 2002, I was 23 years old.  It was a birthday gift from my parents and it was the first phone I ever had that belonged solely to me.  I never played around much with the settings on our family phone and in college I always shared a phone with my roommates.  It was very exciting for me to get my first phone and play around with the settings.

My phone actually came with a booklet that explained how to use the phone (unlike now, where the usage instruction are only available online) and I even read some the information in the booklet. However,  I don’t remember ever reading the part about the volume control.  And so I went for several years believing that the volume control not only controlled the volume that came out of my earpiece but also controlled the volume of my voice that the other person heard on the other end.

For me, this meant that for many years, I feared turning up the volume too high in case my voice would sound loud to the person on the other end of the line. For longer than I care to admit, I did not adjust the volume setting on my phone to a decibel level that suited me because I thought the person on the other end of the line might think that I was shouting into the phone, as an old roommate accused some of our callers of doing.  Then one day it occurred to me:

This is not how phones work. Everyone’s phone has a volume control and if there is too much noise coming out of the receiver, we simply lower the volume.  While it is nice to worry about the person on the other end of the phone, our speaking volume may or may not bother that person, and if it does they can lower the volume. As my husband likes to say, “You do you”.

So how does this relate to Facebook.  Let me tell you another story. 

A few mornings ago, I saw this picture on my Facebook feed  while I was putting off getting out of bed.

A friend re-posted this above picture with the hashtag #makefacebookfunagain.

For some reason that I could not put my finger on, I had a very strong response to this picture and the message it was relaying.

I some respects, I find a lot to like about it the message.  For starters,  I like the presentation of the information; it comes off as fun and not too preachy. I like the colors. I like the idea that we can all positively affect one and other by saying positive things and by sharing positive experiences.  I very much agree that we should not tear each other down, bully, or disparage others on Facebook. 

Sometimes when I look at this picture to me it conveys a sense of unity that we could all create for each other on Facebook.  Still other times, I  notice different things and the picture bothers me on some level.  I think it is because the picture conveys a sense that we all like the same things and we all have the same things in common.

First of all, was there ever a time when Facebook was fun for everyone at the same time?  I don’t believe that we all experienced Facebook being fun in the same way or at the same period of time.

When I first started using Facebook in 2006, people could only join Facebook if they had a college e-mail address.  It wasn’t that fun in the beginning. Since I was 26 when I was using it and older than the traditional college student, the only people who were my “friends” on Facebook were classmates from my graduate program and my younger sisters’ classmates and friends who found me because Facebook included a feature where you could search for people from your high school.  At the time, I thought Friendster and Myspace were much more fun than Facebook because you could be “friends” with anyone on the site not just college students.  Also on Myspace you could set music and special colors to your profile page.

Facebook entered the golden age for me somewhere around 2008  more people started to use it  (not just college students) and you could tell people what you were up to by typing in a “status” so you could let others know what you were up to and what you had planned. [In earlier versions of it people used Facebook to list their favorite books, bands, and what college they were attending but there was not a way to report on what you were doing].

For a while, Facebook was mostly used by young people and I was young. I enjoyed being able to say what was on my mind. It felt like a “cool place” for young people to socialize and try to prove that they were “cool” with their “cool” status’s and such.  There was a lot of posturing going on but it seemed fun to me at the time.

But I changed and got older and so did the people who signed up for Facebook.  With an older group of users and changes in the Facebook format, Facebook has changed in character from how it was in the beginning. There are a lot more minion memes now and a lot more pictures of children and grandchildren.  I think the new climate is nice and fun in its own way but different than how I initially experienced it. In conclusion, I don’t think we all share the same golden age of Facebook.  I disagree with the premise that we need to make Facebook fun again because I don’t think we all joined Facebook at the same time or enjoyed the same things about it. It might still be fun for some people or it might never have been fun for others.

I also disagree with a basic assumption of the poster that it is alienating to read political talk and  “psycho-babble” and that Facebook should only be about family time and pictures of family and pets.  I disagree with this because I feel that for some people it could be alienating to only see pictures of family and pets.  Not everyone finds looking at pictures of family and pets to be positive and uplifting in every situation. We are all dealing with our own stuff.  We all have our own triggers and things we find distressing.  Perhaps some users find community in finding others with the same political beliefs and philosophical beliefs just as others find comfort in family and pet pictures. 

You are more than your child’s picture.  You are more than your minion meme.  You are more than your likes and dislikes. You are enough!

And now we are finally getting to the place where both stories come together.    Remember the phone story from the beginning . . .

Just as I struggled for years with the idea that I could not adjust the volume on my phone because it might bother the person on the other end, I think we should not limit ourselves in what we project on Facebook.  I certainly agree that we should follow the “golden rule” and be respectful of the others.  I believe that Facebook is not for bullying, disparaging others, or being a jerk.  That being said, much like the volume control on own phones, we can all utilize the “hide”, “snooze for 30 days”, “unfollow”, and “unfriend” options if we feel upset by the content that others post.  While others might unintentionally hurt us at times, we are all ultimately responsible for our own happiness.  Don’t hurt others, but don’t hide your candle under a bushel.  Let your light shine even if you don’t have a pet or a child to share with the world.  Let us see your light.  You have value.

I am getting off my soapbox now.  Thank you for reading.