What Would Shirley Do?

My two of my sisters and I spoke at my mother’s funeral about what made her so special.  I wanted to share with you the remarks that I prepared.

What would Shirley Do?

    When my father called me to 8:00 am Thursday morning to tell me that my mother passed away, I asked him at what time it happened at.  He told me 2 AM. Immediately I thought, wow, I was up at that time.

   My baby son sleeps through the night only about half of the time.  On Wednesday night, he cried in the middle of the night until I came to him.  When I looked into his crib, that night, he was sitting up and he smiled at me.

   I didn’t know what he needed, so I took him downstairs to change him, but his diaper wasn’t in need or changing.  I thought maybe he was uncomfortable because his pajamas were too tight so I changed his outfit. I fed him, but he wasn’t really interested in that either. He mostly just seemed to want to look at he and touch my face.  I let him do that for a few minutes then I put him back in his crib and he went back to sleep.

    I told this story to my sister Liz on Thursday morning after I heard the news.  I told her that I felt bad because I was pretty cranky being woken up at 2 pm. I think I muttered to Brendan, my husband, along the lines of “what’s up with these kids?” when I got out of bed.  I told Liz that I felt bad because Mom always loved us so much and she probably would not have been grumpy about waking up in the middle of the night for her kids.  I kind of remember here rocking Olivia when Olivia would be grumpy after waking up from a nap.

          I said, “From now on, I should ask myself, “what would Shirley do” when my kids are driving me nuts.”

Liz responded with a little bit of levity.  She brought me back to earth by saying “Oh, please, Mom was grumpy with us plenty of times.”

   And that is true. This might now surprise some of you, but we didn’t always get along perfectly. In fact, when I was a teenager and a young adult, after one of my sisters and I would get in trouble with Mom we would openly talk about what rank we thought we were in order of Mom’s favorite daughters.  As in, “I am definitely number 5 today, or I was number 3 but now I am number 5.

   While it wasn’t always perfectly harmonious and we not always get along perfectly I think the maxim, “What would Shirley do” is a fitting way to approach life.  Thinking about this saying and reflecting on what Shirley would do can help us approach life without her.

          So what would Shirley do?

Truth #1: Shirley would be creative

   My mom loved to make things.  She sewed lots of things: matching shirts for her and her daughters for family pictures when I was little, matching Little House on The Prairie nightgowns and bonnets for us when were we obsessed with the show and the books, some of our Halloween costumes, dresses for her daughters and herself, curtains for the house and quilts. She sewed her own wedding dress and my sister Jenny’s junior prom dress and my Soph-Senior dress, [which was lined and made with a higher quality than the dresses in the stores I soon learned].

   She made embroidery samplers when that was popular in the late 1980’s. She crocheted for thirty years then took up knitting 10 years ago and exclusively did that.  She got a Bob Ross DVD set and painting supplies last year for Christmas and took to it with vigor.  In the short time since she started she painting she was very prolific.  She primarily painted nature scenes and her canvases are all around the house.

    She encouraged us to be creative by leaving out a box of scrap paper crayons and markers, scissors, and tape so we could make things whenever we wanted.  She supplemented the sewing learned in school and 4-H by helping us to use her sewing machine and letting us use the scrap material and elastic she had around to make scrunches.  She supported our sewing projects and bought us the materials to do them.

    She was great baker and made delicious pie crusts.  People would always comment on how good her pies where.

   And her creations were not just creative; they were always neat and finely crafted. She was always careful to do things the right way so they would not hold up.  She always made sure to wash her knitted items right away when they were finished so they would not shrink and she was very careful to always do the back stitches so her creations would not unravel. The clothes she made were often lined.

   Her attention to detail was evident in many of her pursuits.  She has a good student in high school, when she was taking classes for her associtses degree, and in nursing school.  She had very neat hand writing and perfect spelling.  She was a fast typist and typed my Dad’s college papers when he was in college.

Truth #2: Shirley Was Adventurous and Was Game

          My mother was usually game for new plans or ideas and could be very spontaneous with adventures. 

          I remember many times since I became an adult and moved away when she would call me up and say, “Do you want any visitors today, because I was thinking of coming out to visit today?”  And she would come.

          I remember once when I was about 9 years my Aunt Jeanne and Cousin Jason came from Pittsburgh to visit with the intention that once they left our house they would continue on their way to Hershey Park and would spend the night in Hershey. 

          My aunt asked my mom if we would like to join them and by early afternoon, my mom decided that we would go too, which was great because when I woke up that morning I am pretty sure there was no plan to go but by 2pm we were in the car and on our way.  My mom usually didn’t travel that far away without my Dad but she always had a sense of adventure and was usually game for a new plan.

          She grew up in the city of Pittsburgh and moved with my father to the wild, wild country of Perry County, Pennsylvania when they married when she was almost 20 years old.  Before she moved she had a good secretarial job at the University of Pittsburgh and took classes towards there.  She uprooted herself to live in the town of Newport, which had one grocery store and no public transportation.  She worked in a bakery to keep busy.  It was a year and half after she moved before she learned to drive so for a while she was dependant on her own feet or my Dad to get around in rural central Pennsylvania.

          We did a lot of camping in a pop up camper as a family during my youth and I remember one time when we camped in West Virginia.  There were rumors around the campground that there was a bear around. My parents heard a bear get into the trash can that was right near our camper three nights in a row.  On the last night, they actually watched the bear from the camper while we kids were sleeping.  She and my Dad watched the bear get into the trash, eat, and leave with interest. She didn’t over react or scream.   And this wasn’t even the only time we would see a bear in state park when we were out as a family. We had another bear encounter when I was very small at RB Winter State Park on a picnic.   She always reacted the same way, she would make sure her children and family where safely out of the way of the bear, then she would ride the wave and watch with interest. 

Which bring me to my final point: What Would Shirley Do? Shewould love with all her heart and help with everything she had

          My mom loved her family and friends with all of her heart. She would go out of her way for people when she didn’t have to. I didn’t always completely understand my Mom’s decisions or necessarily agree with them all, but there was never a question in my mind about whether she loved all of us. 

She wasn’t always the most expressive person but she showed you her love with her actions.  She came to see my sister Jenny and me play in the band at football games and parades as often as she could. She was frequently in the stands at my sister Annie’s volleyball games.  I remember a time when we went to see my sister Liz in the school musical The King and I. My sister Olivia was about 2 or 3 at the time and the performance we were at was on a Saturday night.  I remember my Mom falling asleep in her seat in the school auditorium during the second act.  She was tired from chasing a toddler around all day, but she showed up and was in her seat for the performance.  She showed up for us.  She traveled all over the Johnstown/ Altoona/ State College area even to see Olivia participate in reading competitions and to Greensburg and back to take Olivia to tennis lessons and practices and matches around the county.

          Shirley would put other people first.  If you were at Walmart with her, she would take any shopping carts she passed in the parking lot back to the cart return or the front of the store. At our previous church, St. Gregory’s in MacDonaldton, she cooked and helped at lots of church dinners.  She made pies and cakes for the annual church picnic and make baskets for people when there were basket raffles for various causes.

          I remember bike riding with her on the Grove Road outside of Berlin, which is a narrow country road with almost no berm, and getting annoyed because every time a car came down the road, she would go over to the side of the road and stop and wave the car past her before she would continue riding.  This was 12 years ago and I wasn’t a kid, so I told her I wasn’t going to do that, that I had as much of a right to ride as anyone.  Sometimes I wanted her to see that she had just as much of a right to things as anyone else, but this is just the type of person she was, the type of person who put other people before herself sometimes even to her own discomfort.

          I wish that she could have understood just how much she was loved. I wish that she could see everyone who is here today who loved her.  I wish she knew the impact she had on the world.

          So as we remember my mother, Shirley Gaffron, perhaps a little of her spirit will rub off on us and help us to be better people.  To do what Shirley would have done.  Just remember WWSD, What Would Shirley Do.