My husband and I talk about “Inception-ing” each other sometimes. He might say for example after I call in a pizza order, “I inceptioned you into ordering the” Quattro Gusti because I didn’t think you would order it otherwise. He is right too, sometimes I will just order what I think everyone else wants instead of what I really want. Sometimes I need to be inceptioned.
What he means is that he feels that he laid a trail of breadcrumbs that got me to order something at a restaurant that I might not have ordered otherwise. If you are wondering, yes, “Inception”-ing is referring to the Leonardo DiCaprio movie from 2010 about a thief was paid for implanting ideas into another person’s subconsciouses. In my husband’s case, the inception-ing is almost always used for good. It sounds devious, I know, but he uses his powers responsibly.
So why does he feel that he must be sneaky to get me to do something? It’s because I don’t like to do things that aren’t my idea, even if the other option would benefit me more. We have a saying around this house, it is, “Nobody tells Katie what to do.” I can be very stubborn. I often have a “vision” of how I think things ought to do or be and it can be hard for me to see beyond my vision.
Anyway, a few weeks ago we took a road trip out-of -tate. On our trip, we listened to music streamed through Spotify and Panadora for entertainment. On the way home, I found myself asking my husband again and again who sang the songs we were listening to. I recognized the songs, but many of them I never bothered to learn who sings them*.
*[As a side note, I used to know what groups song popular radio songs on th radio and I had still have a better idea about pop Music than my husband does, but his tastes run more Indie than mine.]
One of his playlists on Pandora, I have been hearing for a long time. I believe he created it in 2011, which is the year we got married. Some of the music I remember from the first summer we were dating, 2008. Long story short, I enjoyed his playlists on this trip more than I had in the past and I took more of interest in the artists than I had in the past.
Ever since we have been home from our road trip, I have been listening to some of the music on our Amazon Echo. I have particularly been listening to songs from: The Shins, Wilco, Band of Horses, and Dispatch.
One night while we were getting ready for dinner, I told my husband about how those songs sound better to me. I knew that he had been playing them for years and I remembered how sometimes while we were together, I asked him if we could put on something else or turn off the music. We even had a tiff or two about car music in the past.
He smiled and said, “My Inception of you has finally born fruit after almost 13 years together.”
And it is funny, because after all this time, I am starting to like his music more.
Though in my defense, I had already adopted some of this musical taste. He introduced me to the bands Death Cab for Cutie and The Postal Service and we have enjoyed those bands together for some time now.
Some of my musical interests have rubbed off on him too. He now knows some of the deeper cuts of The Counting Crows and he even likes some of the songs. Also, I can turn on a country radio station while he is in the car and we can talk about what country music I like.
Additionally, I take responsibility for inception-ing him into listening to NRP in the mornings and afternoons when he is driving to and from work on his own accord. He started doing that on his own, but it was after years of listening to me talk about what I heard on NPR.
Recently, I asked my husband who his favorite band is right now, and he said “David Broncohio”. We both laughed.
David Broncohio isn’t a musician. He is a journalist who delivers the Marketplace Morning Report on our NPR station at 6:50 and 7:50am weekday mornings. Then we both laughed because we both love the Marketplace Morning Report. I don’t really care about the market, but I find David Broncohio’s voice reassuming and sometimes there are tasty little tidbits that are interesting to me. My husband does care about the stock market and loves the gravitas of Broncohio’s voice.
So yes, we have inception-ed each other and some of my acceptance of The Shins can be chalked up to my husband trying to get me to like them for years now. But I think there is are larger things at play.
Specifically, I believe that I don’t hate The Shins anymore because there is no reason for me to have to pretend be cool any longer. Along with that, there is no need for me to pretend that I like craft beer any longer.
Not that I ever was really that cool. But I feel like in my early 20’s I thought that I was cool briefly because I had a good life that I liked a lot, where I worked outside and had fun with my friends. But as soon as I left my job as an environmental educator at a camp and conference center and moved back home with my parents, The Shins outed me to myself.
I can trace my dislike of The Shins back to a time before I knew my husband. It was late January of 2005 and I was visiting a friend who had moved to Asheville, NC about eight months before my visit.
We were sitting in her Subaru Outback and I told my friend about the new environmental education job that I was going to interview for when I arrived home. The Garden State soundtrack, featuring The Shins was playing on her car stereo. It was very popular at the time.
She asked me how much the job paid. I said, “Ten dollars and hour.” That was a lie. It paid nine dollars and hour and it required a bachelor’s degree. She said, “That means you will be making $20,000 a year.” She didn’t say it in a judge-y way but more a matter of fact way, though at the time I wondered if she was judging me.
I didn’t tell her that it wasn’t a full-time job so I probably would not be making that much money. The job also didn’t come with benefits. My friend had a full-time job and an apartment (with a roommate) in a cool area that was near lots of friends to hang out with.
Talking about my job interview made me feel bad and it made me hate The Shins because the music sounded depressing and I didn’t need any help with that. Also it made me feel like the time in my life for hanging out with friends and going on last minute roadtrips to Montreal was over and a serious part of my life was about to begin.
During that trip to Asheville, I was feeling very down on my luck. Our conversation about my job prospects hadn’t helped any. A few other friends were also visiting that weekend. I believe I was the only one who arrived there on a Greyhound bus. In any case, I felt like a loser who was 25 years old and had few prospects on the horizon. Soon I would have prospects, but getting myself established on the outside world, away from the camp that I had worked at for the past 2.5 years took some doing.
So when I used to hear the Garden State soundtrack or the song Caring Is Creepy, I used to feel a little bit like a loser who wasn’t actually as cool as I thought I was just a few months before when I worked at the camp with my friends.
Now I don’t hear that at all. I can just enjoy the music for what it is and its pretty good mostly. I like being in my 40’s. I felt like being in my 20’s felt very competitive with peers, not just on my part, on everybody’s part. I felt like my 30’s were still somewhat competitive about who is getting married and who is having children.
I feel so much less of that these days. When I go to Mr. Man’s school to pick him up, I feel like I might not be the most pulled together mother but for the most part, it doesn’t bother me. I know that I am never going to be first in line for school pick up and I know that I might not get to sign up for the latest “Signup Genus” because I don’t have my e-mail set to push on my phone, but it doesn’t really bother me.
The 40’s feel more collaborative and less competitive, so I don’t have to worry about feeling cool. Also, I have found that cool in your 40’s is defined differently than in your 20’s.
In any case, maybe my husband did inception me in liking The Shins or maybe I just grew up a little.
Perhaps one day he will figure out what I have been Inceptioning him to enjoy.
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The Shins. It will change your life, I swear.