I Have a Beef With Friendsgiving

I don’t want to be a Grinch or anything but for some reason, I don’t like it when people talk about Friendsgiving. If I were a Millennial (which I almost am, but not quite) or Gen-Z’er I would say that I feel “triggered” when people talk about Friendsgiving. 

 Look, I am all about having friends and social connections and I like Thanksgiving Food, but when people talk about Friendsgiving, it makes me shudder a little bit.

To the uninitiated, Friendsgiving is an unofficial holiday that is often celebrated either the Wednesday before Thanksgiving or the Friday or Saturday afterward.  The menu is very similar to that which is served on Thanksgiving. Sometimes the entire menu consists of leftovers from the Thanksgiving Feast. The real difference is that while Thanksgiving is often celebrated with family, Friendsgiving is celebrated with a group of friends.

I believe that friends should be able to come together and celebrate their friendship and if they want to do it over turkey, stuffing, and pumpkin pie all the better (you know how I feel about all things pumpkin-eque).  However, for me to be able to accept this as a holiday, I would like it to be rebranded.

To my knowledge, Friendsgiving is not in the Oxford English Dictionary, but I did find an entry about the earliest known references to Friendsgiving on the Merriam-Webster dictionary website.  According to Merriam-webster.com, the first documented use of the word Friendsgiving began popping up around 2007. The first uses of the word Friendsgiving were found on social media posts on sites like Twitter and Usenat indicate that Friendsgiving was originally celebrated as an alternative to Thanksgiving, for people who either did not get along with their family or could not travel to visit family.  The first Friendsgiving celebrations were the main holiday, not an additional holiday to celebrate during the days after or before Thanksgiving.

I find the original intention of Friendsgiving to be noble. It appears the first Friendsgivings were celebrations between people who needed each other.

I must acknowledge my privilege; I have always had a family to celebrate Thanksgiving with. I know that I am lucky in this way. I saw a Robert Frost quote recently that describes my privileged family situation. I have always felt like I was part of my family, even in those young adult years where I am sure I was quite insufferable. Anyway, here is the quote

Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.

Robert Frost

 I remember attending a Thanksgiving dinner at my Aunt Sue’s house as a teenager and there was a man seated at the table whom I never met before. He turned out to be a friend of my aunt and uncle who did not have a family to celebrate Thanksgiving with. At the time, I did not know what to make of this stranger sitting at the table. Now when I think about it, I am glad my aunt and uncle invited him to their Thanksgiving dinner. I hope that man did not celebrate many Thanksgivings alone.

Okay, Katie, so you aren’t against people without close family (however you might take that) celebrating Thanksgiving together. Then what exactly is your problem with Friendsgiving you might ask?

Honestly, Friendsgiving, now that we have established that it now appears to be an additional holiday, not the main holiday, it seems to be very exclusionary. I have heard people say Thanksgiving is for the family you were born into, and Friendsgiving is for the people you choose.

 I have never ever been invited to a Friendsgiving. Does that mean that nobody has chosen me?  It seems like a holiday where people have the potential for getting their feelings hurt.  It’s like Valentine’s Day all over again but for a different group of people.  I am not a big fan of the exclusionary aspects of Friendsgiving. At least it isn’t a real holiday.  There are commercials where it is referenced but nobody has agreed on an actual day when it is celebrated.

I feel bad though because if you have no family and no friends you might just get to feel rejected twice in late November.  I did see a flyer up at the community college where I work for a college-wide Friendsgiving so maybe the definition of friends is being broadened.  That’s good, I am all for the inclusionary aspect of Friendsgiving.

That’s all I have today about that. What are your thoughts on Friendsgiving? Comment below.