Out of My Depth

Before I begin, I just want to make it clear, that I have in no way had a bad summer. In fact, I told my sister Liz when we were floating on a lazy river earlier this summer, that I feel sort of guilty about how good of a summer I am having.

Here the good parts of my summer:

I have been enjoying going to our local pool almost daily this summer. Adding to my enjoyment is that the fact that the pool has a new, chilled out atmosphere that it has not had in recent years since this year it is under new management. (Here’s a post that I wrote about the pool last year).

When we go to into the pool on hot afternoons, I almost instantly feel calmer.

I also have been enjoying going to amusement parks, like Dorney Park, where we have season passes this year. We also took a day trip to Hershey Park for the first time with the boys earlier this month.

Hershey Park is so stately and magical. It looks just like I remembered it when I first went there when I was nine years old.

Mr. Man rode on his first upside-down roller coaster this summer. I can’t remember at which park that momentous occasion occurred for the first time, but he is fanatical about coasters now.

My birthday was last week and I had a great time celebrating with friends and family.

Also, we went camping last weekend with friends and celebrated Christmas in July at the campground. This summer, we are doing a great job at socializing and it is fun making new connections.

The lack of stress about my parent’s estate has also made my summer more magical. My sisters and I have cleaned out last summer and sold my parent’s house this past winter. This summer feels more carefree than last summer because I am not constantly thinking about that situation.

By most measures, I am having a pretty good summer!

However, I can’t help but feeling like I am out of my depth right now. Not in a terrible way, just in a slightly elevated way.

Here are all the ways that I am feeling out of my depth:

The first area of worry for me is something that is probably of least concern at this moment, but could become more challenging as the school year gets started. For this school year, I agreed to teach Nugget’s PREP religious class which begins in the fall. PREP is what formerly was called CCD. Last year, I was the classroom aide for Nugget’s PREP class. This year I will be the main teacher. As a public-school student for kindergarten-college, at times, I feel unqualified to teach religious education. I was in fact a CCD student myself. That seems like it give me an edge, right? The thing is that many Catholics attended parochial school and some even attended Catholic universities. Sometimes Catholic specific things are mentioned in church or life that i have no idea about. It makes me question who much I know. However, I need to remember that I will be supplied with plenty of good teaching materials and that the students are only in 2nd grade. They are not seminary students or anything. I think the thing that I am mostly concerned about is classroom management. Perhaps I can read up on some techniques to keep class fun but functional.

Many months ago, I chose the book for my book club’s August meeting. The book that I chose was White Noise by Don DeLillo. I had heard of the book and Mr. Katie said that he read it years ago. It seemed like something professors would assign and I have always been the easily suggestable type for what experts say. I am almost finished reading it now. I Googled the book a few times to figure out what I should be paying attention to. I will be finished reading it by the time my book club will meet. However, I am feeling out of my depth because it has taken me so long to read it. Also I don’t know how to talk about it with a group.

Only in retrospect, have I figured out that it is supposed to an upscale sort of funny book (clever or drool could be words to describe it, too clever by half, methinks). I am not exactly regretting picking this book but I just don’t know what to do it it right now. I am going to watch the 2022 Netflix movie White Noise when I am finished. Perhaps that will allow me to enjoy it as an observer and I can look at it as someone who is doing more than just trying to figure out what the book is about.

My last area of stress right now is that I agreed to be a coach for Mr. Man’s First Lego League team for this coming school year. Some other parents and I were told that if we did not step up, our children would not be able to participate. So, I agreed to do it, even though Mr. Man is a first-year participant. The work for this really began before school was dismissed in June. I won’t life, It has not been a walk in the park so far. There have been many emails exchanged with school officials and other people related to this program this summer. On the plus side, we are meeting new people through this program and opening ourselves up to a new world and new competencies. I remind myself that I have only agreed to do this for this current season, which starts on August 5th and lasts until this coming January. I also remind myself that probably what we will get our of this experience will outweigh the effort that I am putting in right now. Fingers crossed, hopefully it will get easier for me once things get rolling.

Honestly, I know that I am in growing period right now and that it’s good for me to stretch myself.

I remember reading a story recently (in my email maybe) about some philosopher who said “I am sorry” to people who said that they were having an easy time. Was the philosopher Socrates? Maybe, perhaps. I am not a philosophy person so I Googled this idea.

According to AI:

“Socrates might see an “easy” life, devoid of introspection and challenges, as a life lacking true meaning and value.”

I can get behind meaning and value, but challenges seem challenging sometimes.

I guess this is the price of growth.

I bought myself this Dog Man coloring book for my birthday. I saw it few months ago and thought looked pretty cool. I am a big fan of Dog Man. As a family, we have read the books aloud a few times, so put it in my Target cart last week.

So anyway, that’s what’s up with me.

How is your summer going?

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