Hi Friends, Sorry it’s been so long. When I have a goal in mind , or two goals in this case, I get into these very focused states where all I can think about is accomplishing my goal or goals.
Last week, I premiered my new website The Library Quizzo Site, in case you missed it. This week I spent a lot of time making a power point presentation y about Quizzo at the Librarfor the Pennsylvania Library Association Conference which is happening next week.
I am very proud of my new website and even if it never really finds an audience, I still feel like I really accomplished something. Making the website really stretched my WordPress skills and challenged me to make something different than a personal blog. If it become a useful tool for some people than nothing would make me happier.
Earlier this week, I was feeling stressed about creating an interesting presentation for the conference and limited by my limited Powerpoint creation skills. (I’m being challenged on so many levels!) But the universe intervened! Office 365 has a feature under the design menu that gives you suggestions to make your slides look pretty and oftentimes better than what you just did. Thank you universe and thank you Microsoft!
I have also been feeling stressed lately about the fact that the half marathon that I will be running in is less than a month away. So my two big goals for the year are both coming to fruition in less than a month. Life just happened that way. I chose this half marathon back in March and the Pennsylvania Library Association Conference opportunity presented itself a little after that, but truthfully I didn’t give the timing much thought at the time.
I won’t lie, the time I am putting towards accomplishing my goals is causing me some guilt. I feel slightly guilty towards my sons because I feel like I haven’t been completely mentally there lately. On Monday, I took them both to the babysitting room at the YMCA while I sat with my computer in the lobby and worked on my Powerpoint for two hours. On Tuesday and Thursday while Mr. Man was at preschool, I put Baby Nugget into the jogging stroller so I could get my run in for the day. Tomorrow, while both of them are home with me, I am going to pack and get my clothes ready for the trip to the conference.
I feel guilty about not being all there when I am with Mr. Katie. On weekends, it seems at least some portion of our weekend revolves around my running schedule. I try to get up early and run while everyone is sleeping and waking up but it gets light later than it used to. I had been running in the dark but honestly it bums me out to run in the darkness if the sun isn’t at least coming up when I am finishing my run.
I have also been sort of shady about accomplishing my goals to people who are outside of my inner circle. My family knows that I am working on these things and some of my friends know, as well. I do feel like I have to make excuses though to other people. Sometimes I get invited to things and I have to decline because I need that time to run. Additionally, sometimes I decline invitations because I need to do the things that I am normally doing during the time when I am running. For example, today, I knew that some other mothers from Mr. Man’s preschool were getting together at a park after school and eating lunch at the park. I couldn’t get my act together in time to join them. We were almost out of bread and I couldn’t figure out how to make three packed lunches that didn’t all include bread in the 10 minutes that I had before I had to pick Mr. Man up from preschool, after I took my shower after my run.
I decline invitations to spend time with people or participate in activities and then I feel guilty. Then I wonder what people are going to do without me. I construct elaborate scenarios in my head where the people whose invitations I have declined need me. This goes on for a few days until I see pictures on Facebook and I see that people are getting along fine without me. Then I feel something else entirely. I realize that I am not as important as I thought. Then I feel small. But I also feel happy for the people that I imagined that I let down because on Facebook they seem happy. They seem like they are getting along fine without me.
Not all the things I am learning are hard though. Though I run slow by some standards, I feel so powerful when I am doing it. I used to not be able to run a mile without walking. A week and half ago I ran 8 miles by 9:00 am. Last weekend, I ran 10k for my long run and it was my light week, meaning my week where my long run is supposed to be shorter than it has been.
I started running with Baby Nugget for both of my short runs this week. Running with a stroller is something that I used to doubt I would be able to do because I could not imaging caring for my children while needing to focus so much on what I was doing. I guess running has become easy enough for me that I can do it and focus a little on a child now. Luckily for me though, Baby Nugget is very chill in the stroller while we are running. I still don’t think that I could do it if Mr. Man were present.
When I was driving home from my trail run on Tuesday, I got in the left hand turning lane to turn from Route 309, a busy road, to Fairmont Street near my house. There in the lane I waited at the light for the green arrow that doesn’t always come when traffic is heavy and few people are in the turning lane. The light was green but I chose not to turn because another car was in the turning lane on the other side of the intersection and it was blocking my view. Another driver pulled in behind me at the intersection and blasted their horn at me, beckoning me to turn.
What that driver didn’t know is that after my run, I was as calm as Hindu cow. I wasn’t going to turn into an intersection that I couldn’t see with my one year old in the car because they were in a hurry. That driver must have flipped me off 5 times. It didn’t work at all. I laughed out loud. As soon as the green arrow returned, I turned and the other driver did too. He pulled into the shopping center that is located right after the intersection. I have seen lots of people act this way and pull into that shopping center. I always wonder what they are in such a hurry for. Sometimes in the past, the aggression of drivers like this has bothered me. But not on Tuesday, I didn’t even have the urge to retaliate and drive slowly through the intersection. Thank you endorphins!
My older son needs me to finish up now, so I must say goodbye for today. I hope you are out doing what makes you happy and learning new things.
